Shhhh… The Show Was Actually Fun To Watch [The Walking Dead Dissection]

Holy crap.

Stuff actually happened on this show. Sure, there were some pretty maddening plot problems and we rehashed a few issues for the millionth time, but at the end of the episode people said important things to each other that might actually move the plot along. You hear that world! We might actually be heading in the right direction with this GD series! Yippee!

And then… there are two bits of news that almost completely ruin your joy. Find out both of those and everything else you need to know about Secrets AFTER THE JUMP…

– Dead Wood Burning

We have spent time over the last few episodes dealing with two frustrating plot arcs. The injury and slow healing of Carl and the pointless head shot of Daryl Dixon by the itchy trigger finger of Andrea.

Within the first five minutes, both are completely resolved. Carl is walking around like a normal (if creepy as an old bat) little boy. Daryl spends the entire episode in a tent recuperating from his “red mist miss” moment when he forgives Andrea. Both events are handled so flippantly that a random viewer might just want to glare at his television and seethe at how disposable these plot lines are.

Then you forget about it since both arcs sucked and I am glad we are done pretending to care.

– Herschel’s Defense

Glen spills the news to Dale that Lori is pregnant and zombies are currently having an eternal ho-down in the barn. In a shocking bout of plot expediency, Dale confronts Herschel and we get the patriarch’s rationale as to why he’s keeping a baker’s dozen walkers in his barn.

Chiefly, Big H thinks they are sick. And you don’t kill sick people.

Although it is clearly flawed, I like this argument since it’s something rarely discussed in mainstream zombie genre fiction.

Either way, at least characters said meaningful things to each other. Like I said, PROGRESS!

– Lori’s Decision

Lori on the other hand decides she must make a move on this baby situation since her cover has been blown thanks to blabber mouths Glenn and Dale. She is afraid to tell Rick or Shane about the pregnancy since they might tell her to do stuff or something. After receiving a care package of pre-nadal vitamins and several containers of The Morning After Pill, she decides to kill the baby by way of om nom noms a pile of Baby Killers. Lori immediately realizes she’s made a huge mistake, and upchucks those pesky little buggers all over a field.

The good news? Rick sees the discarded pill wrappers and comes to talk to his wife about it. LIKE PEOPLE AND NOT POINTLESS CHARACTERS HOLDING PLOT POINTS BACK FOR NO REASON! Topics include: pregnancy and in a refreshing turn of events the story behind Shane and Lori bangning. Yes, a reasonable viewer got MORE of the conversation than we were expecting. There IS something to be thankful for!

– Shane’s Shooting Gallery

Andrea learns to shoot with Shane. Shane thinks she’s good enough for private lessons. Andrea takes the lessons. Shane is mean to Andrea during the lesson. Andrea storms off because she’s sensitive. Shane tracks her down. They kill a bunch of zombies. They bang.

This is fun to watch and interesting.

But these events lead into an intense conversation between Dale and Shane after Andrea saunters out of Shane’s Ford Fit stinking like hot monkey sex. By the way, can you imagine the suffocating smells permeating every inch of this universe? Wolverine would have a seizure. Anyhow, armed with the knowledge that Andrea and Shane are either getting closer or straight out banged, Dale gets all up in the most intimidating dude in camps face. He even insinuates that maybe there is more to Otis’ death than we know and that Shane is a loose cannon who would murder is own best friend. Shane is all like, “COME AT ME, BRO!” making the salient point if Dale thinks Rick could be in danger, what chances does he give an old c-ck blocker. Very fun scene.

PREDICTION: My money is on Shane attempting to deep six Herschel when it becomes clear they are not allowed to live on the farm.

THREAT: If Shane dies I am not watching the show anymore.

– But Seriously, Find The Goddamn Girl

I am SO not kidding.

-After Next Week, One New Episode Until Indefensible Mid-Season Hiatus

The decision to delay the second half of the TWD until February 12th by AMC is really damaging for the show, so much so I’ll write about it later this week. Spoiler Alert: whoever made that decision should be shot.

– Where Are We Now?

Everyone is banging! Zombie barn is going to come due for eviction soon.

-Previews

Pretty Much Dead